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LSU v Bama – Saturday, Nov 5th 700P (CBS): Despite the slobbering love affair that most pundits have for Bama HC Saban and his hair, none could deny the powerful display of speed and power exhibited by the top-ranked LSU Tigers as they methodically dismantled Saint Nick and his #2 Crimson Tide in front of a stunned Bryant-Denny crowd tonight. Lou Holtz wetly sputtered that tonight’s contest showcased “the most extraordinary collection of coaching talent, knowledge, and football acumen that has ever strode upon grass–with the possible exception of when Nick Saban dines alone.” However, much to the chagrin of the mighty national press, college football games are still played by players and players alone. Tiger QB Lee once again had the start and quietly turned in a 13-of-21, 243 yard performance punctuated by 2 TD tosses to WRs Beckham and Shepard…in comparison, backup QB Jefferson loudly rushed for 74 yards and a late 2nd qtr TD. The LSU defense was the 800lb, chainsaw-wielding gorilla on the field whose relentless pursuit of Bama QB McCarron garnered 5 sacks, 8 hurries, and 1 fumble recovered by LSU to stop a key 3rd qtr drive…run stoppage was equally on display, ultimately crushing the lungs of Bama’s vaunted RB Richardson as he was held to just 87 yards on 24 carries. The X-factor for Bama was special teams…their 1st qtr kickoff and 3rd qtr punt returns for TDs added some drama but proved to be trivial as the Tide simply failed to cage the rampaging LSU Tigers.

An appletini and Cialis-fueled Trev Albert was arrested once again, after crashing the Thursday night meeting of the Tuscaloosa Republican Women and imperiously defending his thesis on how the Tuscaloosa Dumpling is a twist on the classic Cherokee Chin-Strap followed by a Montgomery Monkey Tail, topped off with a Gravy Chaser.

LSU – 31  Bama – 20

LSU v Tenn – Saturday, Oct 2 at 230P (CBS):  Accompanied by the sounds of braying coon hounds, the Creamsicles of Tennessee brought their custom brand of insipid football to Death Valley tonight, as they faced the unbeaten yet embattled #12 LSU Tigers in an epic battle of rudderless offenses.

Vol QB Simms went 18 of 29 for 2 TDs, including a scoring toss to WR Moore to briefly take the lead late in the 2nd quarter. However, the ever-impressive Tiger defense ceased to be amused by Tenn HC Dooley’s strategery and forced turnovers on three straight Vol possessions in the 3rd quarter…Dooley’s dead-on impression of a Saban meltdown/headset fit earned co-POD honors on ESPN. LSU CB Peterson fanned the Heisman flames once again with a 52-yard INT return for one of LSU’s three TDs.

Once again, LSU HC Miles guided the Tiger offensive scheme through a mediocre showing, including a panic-stricken 14 of 28, 113 yard performance by QB Jefferson. LSU RB Ridley provided the offensive horsepower, reaching the endzone twice as he gained 147 yards on 24 carries.

Brandishing his 2nd place USARPS trophy and smelling of Jager and Axe Dark Temptation, Trev Albert mistakenly stormed the set of PTI in protest of his banishment from Gameday, suffering a Kornheiser beatdown with a Bo Jackson cardboard head for his efforts.

LSU – 30 Tenn – 20